Dear Police Officer

This is what I wrote before I remembered how thankful I am. (see p.s. section which was the afterthought of the letter.)

I hate you. I hate you so much. I wrote all these bad things I wish to happen to you but then I deleted them because I'm not like that. I don't really wish for you to get prostate cancer or for your favorite dog to die. Neither do I wish for you to go blind in both eyes or for you to get shot in the arm. That would be blowing this whole thing out of proportion.

So why do I hate you so much? It's not because you pulled me over for wearing the seatbelt under my armpit instead of over my shoulder. ( I was mad at first about that but then I was trying to be positive about it, thinking, hey, this could actually save my life if I do get in a horrible car accident. ITs pretty unsafe to wear it this way. Never thought of that before)

I'm not even mad at you because the ticket is going to cost me $160.

I'm mad at you because you lied to me.

You bastard.

I'm angry because you told me that it was a little ticket, that it doesn't even count on your driving record. You told me that its just an IMPROPER USE of a seatbelt ticket.

What I got was a $160 ticket, with the option of Traffic School and the citation of NOT WEARING A SEATBELT.

You are a liar. I recall back to when you pulled me over. I laughed because I thought it wasn't even possible to get a ticket for that. I had no idea that I was even wearing it wrong this whole time. You said, trying to play God, "Hmm... Not sure If I wanna give you a ticket yet or not. Im thinking about it."

Then I said, "Come on, seriously, I had no idea I was wearing it wrong."

Then you said, "Well this is how you learn."

Then I said "Or this is the type of ticket you give in a bad economy."

(NOTE TO SELF - REFRAIN FROM SARCASM WITH POLICE OFFICERS)

Then I thought but didn't say "Irvine. Nothing better to do. What a waste of tax money"

NOW HERE I AM WITH THIS TICKET.. You incriminated me. I always wear my seatbelt!

I scheduled a court appearance but according to the new law, you don't even have to show up. This is a police state.

You know what's funny? I still don't really wish anything bad on you. My initial reaction is to wish all these horrible things on you but when I really think about them, I realize that they are stupid and no human being deserves revenge. God is just and so is karma, whatever you believe in. I'm only harming myself. By hating you, I am only hating myself because I am causing stress and damaging my spirit. Anger is just a bad thing for me and for this universe. I just wish peace upon you. I hope that your heart is filled with honor and that your eyes are re-calibrated towards seeing justice for what it really is. I hope you remember why you wanted to be a Police Officer in the first place.

Roommate says its because of the tight comfy pants.

Please don't hesitate to call me if you ever want to discuss these ideas.

With bittersweet love,

Your armpit seatbelt wearer.

p.s: I just remembered something important.

This whole situation could be much worse and Im thankful that it's not. I'm not the person who got killed in the car accident on the 55 fwy yesterday. Im pretty sure that the family of that person would wish that they were in the "improper seatbelt" situation and not in that one.

So it all comes back to being Thankful. I'm not mad anymore. I just re-calibrated myself.