The Mall

I no longer see things as things..

I no longer walk through a shopping mall and see a jewelry store,

rather I see explosions in mountains, snails dying, people ingesting toxic fumes, sediment in streams and rivers, fish populations diminishing.

I no longer see clothing stores as places that offer me a chance to have a different look,

but rather, fields of cotton being sprayed by five times the amount of pesticide necessary, and pesticides seeping deep into the watersheds, increasing cancer rates, while the same people who "walk for the cure" where a shirt that was made using pesticides.

I no longer see a brand name as a brand of wealth, but rather,

I see it as a brand of oppression, a brand of slave ownership, a brand of exploitation of labor and natural resources.

I no longer see a mall as a mall really... But rather...

Unfortunately,

many destructive things.

I see it in it's raw form.

I feel like Im walking through the entire world, touching a well sewn shirt that was made in Bangladesh, a leather purse that used to be a cow grazing in Argentina's Cowboy fields of the Americas. I'm walking through stories, not stores. I pick up a Nike shirt and worry about the ten year old who worked a 14 hour shift with one 5 minute pee break. Was she squeezing her legs so she didn't pee her pants while she was sewing this specific running shirt I'm feeling with my hand? I even wonder about which tree sacrificed its life so I can use it's body as a coffee cup to write these observations that are floating through my head.

A makeup artist from Chanel gives me an apologetic "Yes we actually do test on animals, I just found out!" followed up with a lovely "But we do donate to breast cancer." I give her an inquisitive "But what ingredients are in your makeup?" to which she replies "you can read them on the back of the box."

Hmm.... " I think its interesting that a makeup company who uses lead in their products that are applied directly to the face are donating to cancer."

Try it sometime. Go to the mall.

This time, see the items for what they once were, where they came from. It's difficult to want more after doing that simple exercise.

Rumi

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?”- Rumi

So I ran to work today and meanwhile, I was thinking about that quote. Of course! The more you run, the better sculpted you will be. You apply what relates to you at that moment, so I of course thought about that while I was running since I was out of breath and didn't want to anymore. But you can apply that to anything. If we are constantly annoyed by everything, then perhaps we are just too sensitive. Perhaps we need to withstand a bit more and in doing so, gain a bit of wisdom out of each experience. I think the key though is self awareness. If we practice sort of hovering over ourselves and seeing what we might look like as an audience watching an actor or actress, I think it would help us gain perspective for each and every situation.

Rumi was one smart cookie.

Dear Police Officer

This is what I wrote before I remembered how thankful I am. (see p.s. section which was the afterthought of the letter.)

I hate you. I hate you so much. I wrote all these bad things I wish to happen to you but then I deleted them because I'm not like that. I don't really wish for you to get prostate cancer or for your favorite dog to die. Neither do I wish for you to go blind in both eyes or for you to get shot in the arm. That would be blowing this whole thing out of proportion.

So why do I hate you so much? It's not because you pulled me over for wearing the seatbelt under my armpit instead of over my shoulder. ( I was mad at first about that but then I was trying to be positive about it, thinking, hey, this could actually save my life if I do get in a horrible car accident. ITs pretty unsafe to wear it this way. Never thought of that before)

I'm not even mad at you because the ticket is going to cost me $160.

I'm mad at you because you lied to me.

You bastard.

I'm angry because you told me that it was a little ticket, that it doesn't even count on your driving record. You told me that its just an IMPROPER USE of a seatbelt ticket.

What I got was a $160 ticket, with the option of Traffic School and the citation of NOT WEARING A SEATBELT.

You are a liar. I recall back to when you pulled me over. I laughed because I thought it wasn't even possible to get a ticket for that. I had no idea that I was even wearing it wrong this whole time. You said, trying to play God, "Hmm... Not sure If I wanna give you a ticket yet or not. Im thinking about it."

Then I said, "Come on, seriously, I had no idea I was wearing it wrong."

Then you said, "Well this is how you learn."

Then I said "Or this is the type of ticket you give in a bad economy."

(NOTE TO SELF - REFRAIN FROM SARCASM WITH POLICE OFFICERS)

Then I thought but didn't say "Irvine. Nothing better to do. What a waste of tax money"

NOW HERE I AM WITH THIS TICKET.. You incriminated me. I always wear my seatbelt!

I scheduled a court appearance but according to the new law, you don't even have to show up. This is a police state.

You know what's funny? I still don't really wish anything bad on you. My initial reaction is to wish all these horrible things on you but when I really think about them, I realize that they are stupid and no human being deserves revenge. God is just and so is karma, whatever you believe in. I'm only harming myself. By hating you, I am only hating myself because I am causing stress and damaging my spirit. Anger is just a bad thing for me and for this universe. I just wish peace upon you. I hope that your heart is filled with honor and that your eyes are re-calibrated towards seeing justice for what it really is. I hope you remember why you wanted to be a Police Officer in the first place.

Roommate says its because of the tight comfy pants.

Please don't hesitate to call me if you ever want to discuss these ideas.

With bittersweet love,

Your armpit seatbelt wearer.

p.s: I just remembered something important.

This whole situation could be much worse and Im thankful that it's not. I'm not the person who got killed in the car accident on the 55 fwy yesterday. Im pretty sure that the family of that person would wish that they were in the "improper seatbelt" situation and not in that one.

So it all comes back to being Thankful. I'm not mad anymore. I just re-calibrated myself.

Coffee Shop People: Part II

So what qualifies a person as a coffee shop character? Well my sister decided that if she comes to my coffee shop 10 days in a row, she deserves to be a character. I told her that was illegal. I can't write about somebody who comes in with me and sits besides me, because I can't observe them. Plus, my background knowledge of her will get in the way of a fresh, clean, observation. She was pretty impressed with my description of Quick Sketch Artist Dude. We happened to be in there together when he walked in through the door. I told her to quickly read his description, and as she did, she was narrating, in real time, everything he was doing. It felt really good to be accurate. So, as promised, here is Part II. There will probably be part III too.

Right side of couch woman Dancer

This woman has invited me to dance with her on several occasions. She can often be seen sitting next to Left side of the couch dude. She looks artsy and is around at 10 am or so. Since I happened to be sitting on the couch when I met her, my observations are not as strong as if I was watching her from another spot. Nice lady though. She looks like the kinda lady you would meet a yoga studio that is in her 50s and wears dark rimmed glasses.

Spanish Sculptor Artist Philosopher

Spanish Sculptor Artist Philisopher, AKA, Dragon man sits with his homeboys around 7 am. Let me just say that the 7am upper-terrace crowd is quite different than the 8 am upper terrace crowd. The 7 am crowd seems to be a bit more republican. Don't ask me why. Well Sculptor man sits with them because he gets along with with anyone quite well, not because he shares their same world views, but because he is worldly himself, and worldly people relate to the human spirit as appose to latching on to the title or viewpoint of a person. I first met Spanish Sculptor man in the parking lot. I ran up to him and asked him what on earth was in the bed of his truck, a GIANT DRAGON sculpture made of bronze, silver, and steel. The dragon was wearing a robe and was crushing a sphere. It was by far the most beautiful sculpture I had ever laid my eyes upon. The background story behind the dragon was philosophical, as are all of his pieces. Good art is designed to teach and engrave those teachings into our hearts. His does that. Well, the artist told me he was displaying it there today. I was excited about it but was never able to make it back in that day. Then, I came to realize later on that he was the same man who spent his mornings in upper terrace seating. He is not really Spanish.. he just has Spain Ancestry. He is currently working on a huge Rising of the Phoenix piece. He is also a hairdresser and makeup artist. His face lights up with joy when he talks about or works on his sculptures and its quite contagious. He reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "Don't ask yourself what you can do to change the world, ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world need is people who have come alive."

Upper Terrace Community Blogger Paddleboarder Man

Hmm... Paddleboarder Man is many things. He is specific to his upper terrace middle spot and will wait for it to open so he can move to it, because he swears that the lighting is the best. I like to believe that he likes to be the heart of the coffeeshop, and that middle spot acts as the heart. Like a human heart, he pumps life into the coffee shop, quick to introduce people to others, and on guard to ensure that the "community" aspect and feel of the coffee shop is not lost to the black abyss of Orange County. He wears a scarf around his neck and a beanie and although he's in his 40's, he looks like he's 30. The first time I met him was when he came to my talk on South America. I then saw him the next day at my coffee shop surrounded by women. He waved me over to come and meet everyone, because that's just how he rolls. Besides the fact that some might describe him as charming, in a George Clooney surfer kind of way, It's probably because he's a deep thinker, and women like that sort of thing. He is the king of introducing people to other people and his obsession with finding a way to bring the community together is refreshing, as he is unlike most egocentric Orange County people. He spends much time reading his books and writing notes, probably to really hammer out his thoughts for the blog that he has. I call him paddleboarder man, because he can make a paddle board and anything else you can think of. He designs the initial industrial cast molding.

Old Woman and 3 Old Men High table

This is the lone wolf table that sits high up near the line. 3 old men and the one old lady in her Uggs are the first ones there at 6am. Don't know them much but they seem nice. The old lady drives a hot red fancy car. It's quite amusing.

3:30 pm Old Man Fan Club

The 3:30 Old Man Fan Club consists of a bunch of white haired men who sit outside at approximately 3:30pm. It consists of the dude who co-owns Mothers Market, along with the garlic farmer, Jazz man (occasionally), the retired famous baseball player, an actor, and 2 others. the 2 others are really really nice. I call them the fan club because everytime I walk by, they ask me to come sit with them and tell them stories. Then they introduce me to whoever else is sitting there as "This girl is amazing.. she has gone to South America, she is like a ninja, and she is a Traveling Naturalist. How cool is that?!" I would like to tell you that I'm exaggerating. I'm not. They really do this every time.

Owner of my favorite dog "to-go" person

This white-bearded man wears the best olden day hat. He comes in around 6:55am with the best dog in the world- Foxy. Foxy is my highlight of the morning. As soon as Owner of my favorite dog, who is a professor at UCLA,walks in to order his coffee, I abandon my seat and my belongings and dash out the door to play with Foxy. Foxy really makes my mornings. We have a special bond. (I like to tell myself that even though she probably has "a special bond" with a lawnmower.) Owner of my favorite dog only comes in for about 10 minutes, talks to the 3 old men and one old lady high table, says hi to me, and then leaves.

Headphones and Screenwriter Dude

This man is a constant in the coffeehouse. Second Upper Terrace seat from bar around 4:00 pm, you can see him working on some screenplay, plugged straight into his headphones. Screenwriter dude is polite, and talks highly of his girlfriend, who he adores. She is an artist. Sometimes, they sit together. Mostly though, he is on his headphones and typing away at his laptop.

Potential next characters:

Transylvania man (Yes Transylvania is a real place, and yes he sort of does look like dracula.. a little)

The most animated cuban ever man

Window-Seating man in the suit who looks puzzled all the time

Solar Panel Woman

the hip Minister with the dark beard

Norm Walker

Coffee Shop People: Part I

I love coffee shop people. I spend my mornings and sometimes my afternoons in coffee shops, reading, writing, drawing, and mostly, talking to and observing other coffee lovers. The stage opens at 6am every morning and from there, people order their drink and take their spots on the coffee shop stage. Ahem.. I'm sorry, I mean "THEIR" spots. Here are my observations:

Electrical Outlet Man

There is the man who must sit next to the electrical outlet. I personally enjoy watching him open the doors to the stage and shoot his first glance over at "his" chair. He finds another spot if it is being occupied, and will sit in a position to closely keep an eye on "his" spot. Of course, its only "his" spot between the hours of 7:45am and roughly 10am. If he is late some days, I worry about him.

Bible Man

Bible man sits in upper terrace seating in this coffee shop. He sits right in the middle with his stack of handwritten notes on lined paper and markings all over his bible. He religiously takes the afternoon shift each and every day. A fine sifter, he sifts through every verse in the Bible and holds all religious people in his Faith responsible for sticking to the scripture and not inventing things in their sermons. This is what he does every day. He says hello and goodbye and all other cast members on the stage know him as "Bible Man" and think he is pretty "nice". He told me he thinks he is a "jerk". I disagree.

Quick Sketch Artist Dude

Quick Sketch Artist Dude sits in the upper terrace as well but at the first table closest to the bar. This is specifically so he can see each person that is standing in line in order to quickly sketch them. He has till the person is being helped to complete a sketch of their face. His shift begins around 7pm or so. I think its fun to mess with him. He does not know this though. So, I go to "wait" for my drink as soon as he is in the middle of sketching somebody else and quickly form a pose that suggests "I'm thinking of something really interesting that is far off in the distance" while waiting for my drink. He shifts his focus onto me and starts drawing me. I pretend I have no clue what's going on. Then I turn my body and face the other direction just as soon as he finishes the oval and one eye. I know, I'm mean.

The Jazz Man

Jazz man cruises in and cruises out many times a day. In fact, he mine as well set up a tent right outside because he pretty much lives there and visits with every single person who is seen in there as often as two times a week. He wears a straw hat and fist bumps random people. He has a kind heart, this is evident, but doesn't seem to understand "personal space". People have to scoot back when he talks to them. He can be seen at this coffee shop at any given time of the day.

Left side of the Couch dude

Left side of the couch dude is easy going and laid back, and reads politics on his ipad every day. His shift begins at 8am and usually lasts an hour. He kindly hosts any guests that want to share the couch with him, including 50 year old man who likes to tell "Pun" jokes. Left side of the couch dude and myself have agreed that if any coffee shop cast member is late to the stage or seated in an irregular spot, they shall be cited. I'm working on creating the citation tablet.

The list goes on and on.. I still have to write about the following characters:

Right side of couch woman Dancer

Spanish Sculptor Artist

Upper Terrace Community Blogger Paddleboarder Man

Old Woman and 3 Old Men High table

3:30 pm Old Man Fan Club

Owner of my favorite dog "to-go" person

Headphones and Screenwriter Dude

So I will finish my cast of characters later. I know what you are thinking.. "Dang, she must be in there all day to know everyone's shift." NO. I usually stay for an hour and half total. This hour and a half varies throughout the day depending on my work schedule. These observations are a year's worth and have been accurately cross-referenced with other coffee-shop observers.

The Elephant in the Room

The Elephant in the room story is about a bunch of guys that went into a dark room, each at the same time and felt an Elephant. Not knowing what they were feeling, they each left the room with an impression. Each person swore up and down that their experience was real. One man claimed that he was absolutely sure that what was in that room was a dull sword (the tusk), the other claimed he felt a rug in there. The story can be told many different ways, but in the end, everyone had a true authentic experience but all experiences were different. This is us. The room is the world, it is life. We all come from different places and know a certain truth, because we have experienced that truth at some point or another, from some angle. Some of us got way up close to it and were standing face to face with it without even knowing it while the rest of us might have only touched it at a slight angle. To impose our views on anyone else and claim that their truth is wrong is essentially claiming that our truth is wrong too because we experienced something different than they did. Language is the only platform to which we can really try to articulate these ambiguous thoughts and feelings that are within us. We can only share our stories with each other and try to pinpoint the same feelings and ideas that are shared but will NEVER be the other person to feel it how they did. The more we understand this concept, the harder it is to judge anyone for anything... The more we understand this concept, the wider our love expands, and the greater our quality of life becomes.. (of course, that just my own experience of the elephant in the room)

Opposing Words

In order to attain strength, we must brave fear. The word brave and fear need to come together to attain strength. These contrasts are found in almost everything we have ever done. Think back to the first time you spoke in public. In order to overcome stage fright and command presence, you needed to gain acceptance- of yourself. The main reason people have stage fright is because they think they will be booed off stage or be boring, sound stupid, or upset somebody. So in order to overcome fright, you needed to know more about yourself, gain acceptance, of yourself. So ultimately, in order to overcome fear, you must seek knowledge, in this case, its knowledge of yourself. Usually life is paralleled in opposing forces. According to Sir Isaac Newton, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Could that not be also applied to concepts and themes in life? In order to understand hate, you have to understand love. In order to succeed, at some point you have to fail first. There are always outliers to these laws of course, but in general, its interesting how this works. In sticking with this theme, in order for a tree to GROW, it first has to shed it's leaves and DETERIORATE them back into the soil as rich nutrients. In order for people to grow, we have to shatter old layers to grow new ones.

Perhaps this is where that expression "No pain, No gain" comes from. So in the greater tapestry of life, our mishaps are preparations for the pendulum to swing back the other way. Isn't that life though? When we experience a really horrible tragedy, usually more unfold within the same timeframe (When it rains, it pours), because the pendulum is still swinging in one direction. It will eventually swing back if you allow it to. But if you keep nudging it, it may never swing back.